Official local royalty

MEET CHUCK.

The King of Catawba
Charlemagne Joshua Faye Saunders Junior Brown Manson Ozzy Osborne Mountain Dew Skyrizi Gaffney

Chuck is the official dog of Hickory Dog Guy, informal ruler of Catawba County, and a creature who has never once doubted that every room, yard, sidewalk and passing vehicle exists primarily for his benefit.

He does not ask for obedience. He assumes it.

LEARN HOW TO PAY PROPER TRIBUTE
Chuck, a tan and white dog running happily through grass
Royal protocol

WHEN YOU SEE THE KING.

You are not required to kneel. Chuck has found that kneeling slows down the delivery of tribute.

1. ACKNOWLEDGE HIM

Eye contact is acceptable. A respectful “Hello, Chuck” is better. His full name is encouraged if you have cleared the afternoon.

2. OFFER TRIBUTE

Scratches, kind words and approved treats are traditional. Tribute should never include anything from the Can My Dog Eat This? list marked NO.

3. RESPECT THE TAIL

The tail is an independent government agency. Keep beverages, fragile objects and unprepared toddlers outside its operational radius.

4. DO NOT ISSUE COMMANDS

You may make polite requests. The King will consider them. Decisions are final and appeals are rarely heard.

5. BELLY ACCESS IS EARNED

Do not assume immediate diplomatic relations with the royal abdomen. Let Chuck make first contact.

6. DEPART WITH DIGNITY

If Chuck follows you, you have been selected for further royal duties. Continue walking until released.

Known intelligence

THE ROYAL DOSSIER.

Official titleThe King of Catawba
JurisdictionHickory, Newton, Conover, Maiden, Sherrills Ford, Mountain View, Long View and anywhere else he happens to be standing.
Primary interestsGoing somewhere, smelling something, investigating the yard and being included.
Economic policyAll household resources should be converted into snacks, car rides and comfortable places to lie down.
Foreign policyCautious observation followed by either friendship or intense surveillance.
Succession planNone. This matter is not open for discussion.
Royal decree

THE KING'S EXPECTATIONS OF CATAWBA COUNTY.

  1. Take your dog somewhere interesting once in a while.
  2. Keep vaccines, identification and veterinary care current.
  3. Carry water when it is hot.
  4. Pick up the poop. His Majesty considers this a basic test of civilization.
  5. Do not leave dogs in hot cars.
  6. Give senior, anxious, disabled and difficult dogs the same patience you would want for yourself.
  7. Adopt, foster, volunteer or donate when you can.
  8. Let the dog sniff things. You are not actually in that much of a hurry.
Chuck recommends

GO DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR DOG.

The King did not authorize this website so everyone could sit indoors reading it.